sleep…

 

The amount of times I’ve written this post in my head (or even on my laptop) is staggering. I’ve been writing and rewriting this thing for two months now and it’s got to stop.

I’m posting this today and I don’t care if it’s good or not. I’m sorry, but you’ll have to bear with me.

Sleep deprivation, I can live with, but honestly, I never knew I needed knitting and spinning this badly. I now know that I need these things to keep my sanity. So here I am. Back again after 9 whole weeks. So let me tell you about what happened after the post of the 25 of June.

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I’ve written this story in my instagram post, but here’s a short recap. Two days before my due date I noticed my hands were itching. Itching and scratching is not that strange during pregnancy, but this was ridiculous. By 0:30 on saturday night I was scratching my palms with my teeth when I decided to give my midwife a call. Long story short, I was sent to the hospital and was diagnosed with pregnancy cholestasis, which basically means your liver i
sn’t doing a great job. It’s not harmful for the mother, but it can be harmful for the unborn child. If you’re not so far along you’ll be given medication, but in my case I would be induced.

Two days later, on monday the 29th I was induced at 7.30 – 8 and at 16.00 little Ma’iq Mason was born weighing 3715 grams and 55cm tall.

My pregnancy was a dream, but due to certain events in my private life I was too afraid to fully enjoy the proces. Looking back, I can say that I was too afraid that something bad would happen, subconsciously I was convinced that I wasn’t going to end up with a happy and healthy baby (if that even makes any sense). I only went baby shopping in week 36 because my mother forced me to go with her, but at the time I really couldn’t see it and my mother didn’t understand why I was being ‘difficult’ and ‘uninterested in this baby’.

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It’s very personal, but I’m writing about it because I think it shouldn’t be a taboo. Depression is an ugly monster and it can show up at any time. It’s important to acknowledge it and deal with it, but not to allow it to take over your life.

The moment Ma’iq was born I felt all the things I was too scared to feel for 9 months. It was love at first sight. He was the prettiest thing I had ever seen in my whole life and I still can’t believe I ‘made’ him. My best FO.

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It’s been (almost) nine weeks since he’s born and I’m only now starting to readjust. It’s been hard because I haven’t been sleeping all too well. The last month of my pregnancy I could only sleep for 4 hours a night, so I started this thing already sleep deprived. When he was only two days old we had a nice little heat wave, which apparently is even worse for little babies than for grown @$$ adults.

When I told people that we were expecting a baby all they said was: “HAHA you’ll never sleep again!! And even though they were right in a way, it would’ve been more helpful if they had mentioned some books to read. In case you’re interested: there are two books that I found extremely useful: “The happiest baby on the block” – by Dr Karp and “Baby in droomritme” – by Stephanie Lampe.

The first book is very useful in general because it explains a lot about the first three months. This book will help you understand why newborns behave the way they do and how to calm them down when they’re upset. I don’t mean just crying, but really upset.

The second book is (I’m sure you can find an English version somewhere) about how to get your baby to sleep without letting him/ her cry it out. I’m personally of the opinion that babies don’t need to cry. There’s crying and then there’s crying, but letting a baby cry it out in bed until he falls asleep is not something I can get behind. This book will help you teach your baby to sleep in his/ her own bed without any tears. I’m absolutely in love with both books and they helped me a lot! Another book I’d like to recommend is (again in Dutch, sorry!) “Borstvoeding” – by Stefan Kleintjes. It’s a very good book if you’re intending to breastfeed your baby.

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Ma’iq and I have come a long way in these past few weeks. The nights are amazing, as he sleeps during the night and only wakes up once (and sporadically twice) a night. Daytime varies between awesome and not-so-awesome, but it’s getting better and better. The evidence is that I’m actually finishing up this post and he’s still asleep!

Now that we’re getting readjusted I can finally reincorporate knitting and spinning into my daily life, and I’ve really missed it. I’ve also really missed this blog. It’s been very hard not to be able to spin/knit/ blog, because this is how I stay zen. I really need these things in my life or I’ll lose my mind 😛

Hopefully I’ll be able to post more regularly from now on. I’m not making any promises until he’s at least 3 months old, but I believe we’re moving in the right direction 🙂

Happy knitting my friends 🙂